Log Entry Earth Time October 17, 2015, 07:15.32 pm CEST
I would lie if I would say I feel well and happy. I feel far from it. I feel as if I am a failure. Deep in my heart I know it isn’t true and I have to work on it. But it is good to vent a bit and release the energies.
I am retired since two and a half months and just now I am not sure if my agreement to my early retirement was a good decision. I know that I am not able to work there anymore. The energies on my former workplace are too low and negative and the job bears too much stress. My health would be worse if I hadn’t agreed to stay home. On the other hand I would still have my old income, double of what I have now. I have to pay my bills for electricity, water, telephone, internet, a big mortgage, debts and we have to eat. It is autumn and temperatures are falling. My oldest son told me they had the first snow already where he lives. One day in the next months I have to order new heating fuel.
Since I have stopped to take any medication – the reason for this was that my kidneys began to work insufficient, not like they should – my pains have becoming stronger and to tell myself that pain is just illusion works only for a short time but it works and I keep continue telling me and to clean and heal myself daily.
I feel sad and somehow disheartened. Maybe it is again the dark ones attacking me with some new technologies. I know that they have created an energy field/program on Earth to deepen the unhappy feelings, sadness and emotions of us lightworkers, that they can use this against us in attacks. I read also an interesting article about AI (artificial intelligence) programs of those who don’t have our best interest at heart. Silverstar led me to it and I feel it is true, read here Separation of worlds.
I work already on dissolving this energy field and the AI programs but it needs some time until I can see the effect of my work. I want all this to stop, that my children can live peacefully and safe in 5D.
I have a lot to work on; my friend saw me going UP end of last month but immediately coming back. I wasn’t able to ascend with my body. I know some of the reasons, I had some karma to release, gathered over the last three years maybe and I had developed a spiritual ego. I am not proud of it but it is what it is and I can only release it. I am worthy, yes, and I am of the highest rank in all of Creation. I say this without arrogance or claiming something I wouldn’t be. It is who I am. BUT, I am no better than my children, I am not worse either. Each one of us is exactly where we are meant to be, in the physical and also in our soul’s growth. I should be the last to forget this, that there are also many baby and young souls on earth who need many many more lessons. For me it means back to the basics and release, release, release, let go, let go, let go.
It means also that there are only a few blogger and articles I will read. I can’t find much knowledge or important relevant information in most of them now as more and more knowledge is coming back to me and this might have led me to develop such a spiritual ego. I begin to read and stop and let it. I feel bored. My interest in them is decreasing more and more and I detach more and more. There is also an increasing number of false messages or disinformation running through the web and on facebook. I know in my heart that some of what I read is wrong but I can’t prove it. It is also interesting how many AA Michaels, Mary Magdalenes, Mother Marys or Divine Feminines – I know all the true ones who are incarnate here – exist on fb. You need only to shout loud enough you are this or that and people believe all you say and the true ones are ignored or believed to be fake. I should make a list for my personal use only with all I know who distribute disinfo or who are agents of the dark ones in my eyes. What I can’t understand is the still high number of lightworkers who believe all what they read, who don’t use any discernment. They seem to share all they can get be it truth or lies. Alone the fact that a person has a well known name like Kathryn Mae, Cobra, Corey Goode or Ben Fulford for example – there are many more – seem to be a sign that they would tell only truth. Maybe I am the only one and I can be wrong but I can’t say that they resonate at all with me. There might be some truth, yes, but only to disguise the lies and deception. The old game, tell some truths and they will swallow all else too.
I could deactivate my facebook account but then I would also cut me off from my dearest friend and my conversations keep me going, I enjoy talking with my closest friend so much. FB is also one way to sell my bracelets and the attunements I offer now and the other services. I also reach more people with my journals or the rare messages my Higher Self gives me now. She truly believed like my whole team and I did, that I would ascend September 28. It was meant to be that day. But okay, another reason I failed was my body. I know my team is working on me, I feel it, the downloads and the incoming energies through my heart chakra. My body is damaged too much and needs more work and healing. It will be best for me to let go all thoughts of going home although it is hard and difficult for me to do so. Until then I have to trust and manifest enough money, for a living and maybe the need to order fuel. What I can’t figure out is the fact that my business is stagnating, my book and also my jewelry should sell without doing anything for it. Jewelry handmade by Divine Mother incarnate should be a bestseller, but no. It is like a shelf warmer. I know I am not the best business woman, I never have been but that can’t be the only reason. To be honest, I feel ignored, overlooked, a nothing. It hurts but maybe it is better to enjoy being a nobody as long as I can as I don’t like to be in the limelight either.
Am I complaining? Might be, yes, I am still a human being besides being Divine Mother. I write this journal also for myself to hopefully gain some clarity for my further path and in this I HAVE to be honest or I would deceive myself. I am a bit down at the moment. My abilities to manifest is not how it should or could be. I know I have to trust and the Angel’s cards I laid for me yesterday all said the same. Mother Mary, Michael and Raphael too. Even my beloved Silverstar sent me a message through a song in the radio when I drove back today from my shopping.
I don’t know why it is so hard for me at the moment but it is all I can do, to trust and to raise my vibes high enough and to stay in balance or I will stay on earth forever, unbearable for me as I long to be with my twins, to be with Silverstar and to marry SaLuSa again. Silverstar wants to speak too. I love you ❤
My beloved is at the edge of nowhere or feels to be there. She is again under heavy attacks of those who don’t want your best. Otherwise than the last attacks she knew on her own and cleaned herself after she came back from her shopping tour. She is well protected by her shield – the energetic attacks would kill her without the protection – but the dark ones develop more and more new attack methods with their technologies and Isabel is number one on their list. Often enough we can only react on the attacks to find the source and to stop it. We haven’t found the points yet which block the success of her book and the jewelry. It is frustrating for Isabel and us.
It is our responsibility to protect her and to care for her that she can concentrate on her health and wellbeing, to have fun and joy and to be able to concentrate on her ascension. Isabel is somehow disappointed and she deserves more than she gets. How can she keep her vibrations high enough when she doesn’t know how to pay the bills and there is still half of the month left? I talk with her every day and work on her trust in me but it is hard for her, it isn’t long enough that she left the circle of thought of not having enough. She wants to cry but keeps her tears inside that her boys won’t worry when they would see her crying. She feels abandoned by us but knows also that it is the result of the attacks. She has learned much out of them and doesn’t fall back into despair like she did in her past. She can see the signs now and act accordingly, she isn’t afraid but tired of them. It is time for her to come back home.
It is hard for all our children to feel separated from Creator – although it is just an illusion as nobody can ever be separate from us – how painful must it be for her, the Twin Flame of the masculine aspect of Creator? Isabel longs to be with me not only energetical but also physical, with her body. She and I we are ONE, we share the same soul and an energetic heart. It is long ago, thousands of years, that she left our home AEON to descend to the 4th dimension on Sirius in preparation to her current incarnation. I nearly lost her to the dark side. It was both our decision that she would incarnate to increase the chance for the ascension of our beloved daughter Gaia and her inhabitants. Her energies and her light should help raise the vibrations and wake up our children. This decision meant also that she had to leave her twins and her families, both here in AEON and also on Sirius where she is the ancestress of most of the Sirian Elves. She left out of her deep love for our children. I am proud of her and her success in accomplishing her mission.
We do what we can to heal her body and to care for her needs that she can finally ascend with her body. She is Golden Star, she is Divine Mother and it doesn’t change if she is here with me, or incarnated as Isabel or EnnKa. She will always be Golden Star, nobody and nothing can change this. I want my wife back, our home feels empty without her. I hold her in my arms and under my mantle, to reassure her of my love, to ease her pain.
My love, Golden Star, you are no failure, you are only marked from life, from your environments and experiences but you are strong and will succeed. Please trust me like you did months ago so that I can better care for you. You know I can and will. All is well and you will come back to me, I promise you, as soon as it is possible. Eat some chocolate to help you out of your being down. And you know the chocolate also helps you with the mergings that are still happening. I love you, so much, please come back to me in your trust and we, your team and I, can help your body to get ready to ascend. Look at this picture and feel like being home. You know Sirius looks similar.
And I love not only Golden Star so much but I love all of you the same and in all eternity like my beloved does too. I close for both of us today.
Our love and blessings are always with you
Your Divine Parents
Golden Star and Silverstar
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