My Journal July 17, 2014

I am surprised about the mostly positive feedback to this journal. It is a risk to lay open my thoughts, I know. My intention is solely to share my experiences out of my lessons so that others may gain their own insights with this.


We are so looking forward to our new family member. It will be a Shiba Inu puppy and he will join us in two weeks. The pic shows an adult and we have not yet chosen the one who will live with us. Divine fortune will choose for us and we will take the one that remains. He will be our puppy.

Maybe some people may say it is too early after the passing of Bobby but he himself told me to have a new one to fill the gap he has left. I think it is also important for my son to have a task, a daily routine in his care for the new one as it will be more the puppy of my son. Hopefully he will get his motivation back and more positive thoughts so that he can finally heal.

I asked Bobby if he has a name for us and he confirmed. The new one is a sirian soul like him and also related with us. It will be the name for the papers and we have to see what will be his final name to be called for.

It will be good to have a doggy furball again at home.

I am reflecting about what happened, calm now and what I can learn out of it. My anger has vanished and made room for contemplation and soul-searching.

I know there were reasons although it is not just visible for me. Bobby’s passing was the trigger to break the blockage of my atlantean deed. This strong pain was needed for the break, it will heal. I want to let go the pain of it.

The last event may have a lesson in it too, but I can’t see it yet. It is at the moment more serious for me as my trust in my team is badly damaged. They gave me the feeling as if I am not trustworthy and this is in itself hurting as they ask me always to trust them. I think we have all to work on this. So often I had the feeling that they are lying to me, but why? Can’t they tell me the truth or is it that they don’t want to tell me? If secrecy is involved why don’t they tell me then? As being a civilian member of our armed forces I know what it means to keep secrets even as an engineer for safety at work. This wouldn’t be a problem for me, but this sneakiness is hurting.

I had the impression as if they throw me some breadcrumb only to make me quiet and as if it would be unimportant what I feel and think. My dear beloved team, this is NOT how I see teamwork and I know what that implies. Our air force is a team and they work together as a team, but what you did with me was far away to this. I have asked you more than once to see me as a team member and not as an underling. This is a lesson YOU have to learn.

I know I have to relearn to trust and to communicate again with them.

I made a beginning in talking with Bobby yesterday evening and then with my Twin Flame. The others may wait a bit. The dust has to settle and then we will see.

One good result out of Bobby’s sickness. I was finally able to make telepathic contact with him and the cats and in this I will work to connect with the small one too. Being able to talk with Bobby I could follow his wishes, to NOT being put to sleep and what he wanted on his grave, roses.

During a meditation this evening I connected with my twin and I could feel his love for me. He embraced me with his love, so wonderful and warm. I let it happen and enjoy and relax in it. Thank you my beloved. This is a basis for a new beginning. Baby steps, yes, but moving forward. I love you and I miss you and our family.


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